It is not a bad thing if it is only important to some people that they always help others in need and always be kind. Help and care are noble traits. However, if help and care become invariable constants in your life and your life goes on at the constant expense of your personal needs and desires, something should change.
Psychologists believe that the urgent need to over-indulge other people is a reflection of personal insecurity and lack of confidence. Uncompromising and indiscriminate consent is not always affirmative. For others, it is a beautifully packaged gift whose contents are questionable because it lacks honesty or emotion and contains a tone of contempt. Psychologists claim that if some people constantly say “Yes” (any affirmations), they never say “I won’t, I can’t, I don’t want” to please others, then others begin to doubt your honesty.
At the instruction of parents, children learn early that they will receive praise or reward for good behavior. For many people, this early adopted model of behavior lasts a lifetime. In childhood, our needs depend on others and rejection is perceived as a cause of loss of love or attention. Some adults carry these memories and often fear of rejection. Many adults lack healthy models of assertiveness (the ability to fight for our rights and ourselves). We live in a culture where form occupies a more important place than feeling. Many children are taught by parents that it is important to be nice and kind than to express genuine emotions.
Today’s hectic and stressful everyday life puts people in a situation where it is often necessary to say: I won’t, I can’t, I don’t want to. Negation. No answer. But people who have a problem pronouncing these words often take on a lot of burden and excess responsibilities and responsibilities. Thus, life goes through them in a constant pursuit of additional activities, which does not bring them personal satisfaction and fulfillment. Any activity without enthusiasm and real interest takes away our energy and personal strength.
Once we have gained the reputation of a sacrificed person, any form of refusal or refusal to do something is difficult to overcome. Refusing to do something for other people will come with concern and surprise. That must happen once. When you finally beat the urge to indiscriminately agree to yesdo everything for all the people who require it — you will create healthy boundaries that will help you take better care of yourself (physically and mentally). At the same time, this change will give you a chance to love and appreciate your loved ones and feel less resistance to them.
It is essential that you learn to better refuse other people’s requests and requests.
Listen to your intuition – changes in breathing rate, muscle tension, abdominal cramps (physiological reactions) may indicate that you want to refuse to do any extra activity or commitment.
Wait for some time to pass between asking and answering to restore a sense of control. A useful phrase that always helps is to say that you should first check your obligations before agreeing to do anything for other people.
Practice all the negations on the smaller things. Or in front of the mirror saying them out loud. You will quickly notice that you are changing yourself and becoming more determined with more confidence. People think that refusal will cause other people negative emotions, so they are surprised to what extent their attitude is taken.Know that there are three options or ways out of an awkward situation to accept an additional activity / commitment, to reject it immediately, or to offer an alternative solution. Think about the pros and cons of each choice in your own life, and focus on their consequences (emotional, physical, financial or any other). Practice negative answers while alone. Prepare any counter arguments. Make them persuasive and realistic with constant loud repetition.