Parents should not protect children from life or be victims of children
The cause of numerous marital and partner disputes and the eternal question is whether there is a limit up to which parents should protect their children and make concessions. Children actually need a lot of attention and love to develop healthily. Small daily prohibitions are needed, with which they learn to overcome life’s obstacles and achieve life’s goals. Otherwise, children are deprived of learning about life.
By subordinating everything, including one’s own needs, to children, it can happen that children learn unwanted things – for example, that children always come first and that other people are not important. Sometimes parents can really exaggerate in subordinating their own lives to their children – according to psychiatrists and psychologists.
It is not possible to determine with certainty the spoiledness of today’s children compared to the children of the past. Nevertheless, a European survey of a large number of parents says that 60% of parents consider their children spoiled. Many parents say that they want open communication and not dictatorial rules.
Today’s parents have more opportunities to spoil their children. Today, women give birth later in life (one or two children), while just a few decades ago the average was 3 children. That is why parents today can devote more attention and time to their children. The world begins to revolve around the child – seen from the child’s perspective. The child expects everything from the parents. A big problem is the constant absence of parents due to work and obligations. Parents feel guilty and shower their children with gifts and money.
Setting firm boundaries is a way to avoid harmful indulgence
Clear and firm rules should be established and rules should be followed. Setting boundaries is one of the best ways to express parental love, even if it doesn’t seem like it. There is also the phenomenon of parental love, which removes all difficulties. It starts with small concessions. For example, the child starts to learn to walk independently, but the parents still carry the child in their arms. The child shows a desire to eat independently, but the parents continue to feed the child. Parents should encourage the child if he shows a desire to learn something independently. This is how faith in one’s abilities is built.
Many parents feel that at the same time they can be close to the child for whom they will set boundaries
This statement is not true. Clear boundaries and open communication keep the relationship honest and close. If a child insists on getting candy just before lunch or playing popular games on the computer for a long time, then the parent should ask themselves what they want the child to learn. Does he want the child to always get what he wants if he is persistent enough? Responsibility is learned over time. Some parents want to give their children everything they didn’t have in their youth. Thus, they become parents not to a child, but to their own parents.
Adolescents whose parents are always permissive usually have worse grades in school and use drugs and alcohol more often than children whose parents encourage independence and responsible behavior.
It is important to know that there are no perfect parents
Children need good enough caregivers, that is, living people who express feelings and needs and who will not protect children from life or be their victims. Perhaps one of the most important lessons a parent can teach their own child is to enjoy life and accept their own being with all its imperfections.
Some of the signs of the child’s behavior that help parents:
- The child cries and keeps throwing things until the parent relents. This kind of outburst is normal at the age of 2 or 3, but not at the age of 5 or 6.
- The child has a problem playing with other children. Pay attention to the way things are shared with others (or take things back from others, and the child’s progress in social skills) as soon as the child stops crawling.
- The child’s room and home are full of toys. Teach your child that it is enough to have a few toys, but useful and usable ones.
- The parent is too indulgent in the child’s diet if the child is obese.
- The child expects the parent to perform actions that the child can do independently. Everything is done so that the child performs independent actions appropriate for the child’s age.