Children feel tense if they attend an adult quarrel
Children should not hide the reasons for the quarrel if they are present during the quarrel of adults, but in the end they should still be told that everything is fine. Quarrels and heated debates are an integral part of life. But if they happen in the presence of children – then it is important that adults calm down in front of children. Every adult feels uncomfortable because of the harsh words he says during lively discussions and in the presence of children. That omission is not terrible if it rarely happens. Experts constantly emphasize that quarrels are an integral part of everyday communication among adults and there is good communication in them. Discussions should not be avoided, but it is important to explain the discussions to children. Authors Caroline Winkler and Gail Reichlin’s “Pocket Parent” say quarrels are perfectly normal because bad moods and conflicting attitudes are part of human nature. It is important to say words of apology at the end because that is how adults show children how to resolve conflicts.
It is best to think about an argument when there is an idyllic atmosphere in the home. This is the time to establish with other household members the basic rules to follow when the next quarrel occurs. First, identify inappropriate words during each argument. Even make a plan for reactions if things get out of hand. In this case, adults should take a break so that children do not have insight into the appearance of the person in affect. It is true that it is not easy to remember all the rules when “blood rushes” to the brain, but you should at least try to apply some rules.
Adults need to stop the need to shift the blame on the partner or anyone else if the children are present, It is best then to turn to solving the problem. The child will not have the impression that someone is always to blame for the problems if the tone of voice is normal and the conversation is reasonable. If an adult tells another adult (partner) that he wants to find a solution, then the child will better understand the importance of negotiation over the problems that need to be solved. Your child will then never feel helpless in the face of any events.
No empty words
There is no need to utter empty threats that an adult will never make, such as “if you do it again, I will never talk to you.” Children can literally understand words like this and will be scared. An angry adult should leave the house and go for a short walk but explain to the child that he is coming back quickly. Those words soothe children. Then explain to the children that the quarrel is over and that everything will be fine. This is very important because unresolved quarrels can be very traumatic for children.
The problem should not be hidden
One should not tell a child that nothing has happened if he asks a question related to an adult quarrel. Children feel the electrified atmosphere. Any uttered lie in front of children deprives children of the opportunity to personally see the development of relationships among adults and learn that each person needs to work to solve the problem. For most children, the basic security is knowing that everything will be fine in the end, even if the parents do not agree at the moment. It is best to tell children the truth because children can be blamed for the anger of adults. It is good to write a written message to your partner if adult relationships are strained because that way you can avoid an argument. In this way, the problem is solved without the involvement of children.